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Disrupting the Core Lies of Trauma

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Best of Social Media Series on Disrupting the Core Lies of Trauma

I HAVE TO BE RIGHT

When we start healing from complex trauma, we often have to wake up into the fight response and we often have to reclaim our "truth."

During this phase of our healing, we trust no one but ourselves. We give ourselves permission to fight off anything that feels wrong. We run. Finally we run.

But this is not an endpoint.

We have to actually move from this to the place of exploring the vast array of perspectives, personalities, intentions, etc. that people hold. Some of these will be absolutely innocent relative to what we imagine. Some will be inspired by different cultures and imperatives that we cannot see.

Life is complex. On the other side of claiming permission to fight for ourselves, there is a vast playing field in which we are not in danger and we can afford to explore all the glorious complexity.

When we can do this, we are very far along the way towards a full creative rebirth. No longer do we fear our emotions. No longer can our sense of self be manipulated by others. Hence there is very little to lose in this exploration.

But there is oh so much to be gained in personal and creative power, in curiosity, in an expanded mind that can release the habitual red flags of danger that are rooted in our worst experiences and which are contaminating our best hopes.

Oh, and until we get to this place, we are largely having a one-sided conversation with life and with our own past traumas. How boring is that?

CORE TRUAMA LIE: I must rely on my own rightness all the time. I must be omniscient or I will perish.

Pray with me:

Goddess of Wisdom, expand the playing field. Take me into vast explorations of curiosity. Give me a stable sense of myself and my value and an identity of plenitude so I can afford to experiment. Unlock the cage of repetition and release me into newness.

CONSENSUS: THE LAST FRONTIER

There can be no exit from traumatic relating until we arrive at the place of synthesis and consensus.

It is an illusion to think that you have healed your trauma, systemic, or otherwise because, like the early stages of Lilith's journey, you have learned to never lie beneath.

On the other side of asserting where your line is rests the vast playing field between stimulus and response and in that space lies the hope of true change, true healing, true community.

But to get there you have to give up the idea that your needs are all that matter, that your comfort is paramount, and that you must be "safe" at all cost. It is terrifying. But it is worth it.

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"THE DEVIL IS A LIE"

I love this statement. My favorite preacher (T.D. Jakes) says this all the time.

I mean, it is historically correct. The devil is an invention of the Christian church in terms of his role as the seductive adversary of our dreams, purpose, well being.

But, as an adversary, the Devil manifests in the form of lies. Specifically, the lies of trauma that keep us trapped in a very painful "reality." These lies manufacture entire universes of agony in which we must always be on guard against the nefarious intentions of others.

So, I am going after these lies!

CORE TRAUMA LIE:

No one is ever doing their best for me. Everyone is always trying to take from me, violate me, abuse me. Relationships are dangerous and a new expenditure of energy.

Pray along with me.

I BIND THIS LIE THAT HAS INFECTED MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY LIFE, MY BODY, AND MY RELATIONSHIPS. I BANISH THESE LIES TO THE VOID.

I UNLEASH A NEW REALITY IN WHICH I AM LOVED AND CARED FOR LAVISHLY. IN THIS NEW REALITY, PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO DO THEIR BEST WITH AND FOR ME. MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE MUTUALLY NOURISHING.

CAN WE REALLY RELY ON THE "WISDOM" OF OUR BODIES?

I hear a lot of trauma survivors talk about listening to the body. I used to even talk about this. But I have unlocked a new level of learning.

Have you ever heard of Pavlov's dog? As in the conditioned physical response?

Trauma does this to the body as does all learning. Conditioning becomes a mental habit and a physical habit. The physical habit is even more entrenched, honestly. It has made it to the level of automatic.

So, I may be turned on like a fire hose by a man pinning me against a wall. That is because I was introduced to pleasure in the context of violence. Does this mean my body's turned on signal can be trusted to direct me to healthy sexual relating?

Hardly! It means I had my first orgasm essentially pinned against the wall (metaphorically speaking) and my body screams the go-ahead because the orgasm is a release and my orgasms pleased my abuser.

My vagina will salivate like Pavlov's canine friend if you put me in a dangerous, objectifying sex scene. Or one that is engineered to feel this way even for the sake of exploration or one that triggers the memory of a fearful sexual encounter.

Ditto my fear response. I will recoil from things that feel familiar whether they are or not. Flashbacks anyone?

So, if the habits of trauma are in my body, what do I rely on?

Well, as it turns out, the best way to get an integrated picture of something is actually to work on creating systemwide coherence, to move our minds from the high beta brain frequency of fear to the alpha frequency of integrated mind. Our bodies will follow. And vice versa via breathing techniques.

From there we can explore the sensations in our bodies and check them against the clarity of our minds liberated from the frequencies of trauma.

Often the body-based signal doesn't so much tell me the truth about the present. It tells me there is a soul part that may need my attention.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that much of what we call intuition is also conditioned response.

And if we make our own reality even by contribution, then the moment we feel that intuition we take it as a true indicator of a certain outcome. And we move towards that outcome (or try to move away from it).

Now, if you are walking alone at night and you feel that you are being directly threatened, by all means, run or fight based on your intuition or your natural instincts. That is what they are for. Better to be safe than to explore the margin for error.

But more and more, (when I am in no real danger) I start playing in the space between stimulus and response. I am looking to shed the certainty of what I think I know for the open questions that can actually open up a whole new world of possibilities.

Of course, playing with what we think is the fabric of our reality can be REALLY SCARY.

Proceed with caution.

CORE TRAUMA LIE: I can't trust my mind or my emotions. I can only trust my body.

PRAY WITH ME:

Goddess Divine: Help me shift from the incoherence of trauma to the coherent mental and physical states of thriving so that I might see and be different NOW!

Now are You Ready to Disrupt Some of these Lies?

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PAINFUL EMOTIONS AND THE GENIUS OF EMPIRE

If I can keep you in fear, your brain will be fragmented. You will never see the whole picture.

If I can keep you in lack, you will never develop the hope to investigate any other options.

If I can keep you angry, you will never move past the pointless, futile conflicts that keep you mired in the very thing for which you seek justice.

Our entire culture is built to stoke anger, fear, lack, distress.

As an aside, have you ever considered that true justice may not lie in holding someone accountable? But in nullifying what they did to you entirely. And I am not really talking about seeking reasonable financial consideration or the like to support us through loss (like if a drunk driver hits our car). I am talking about the intangible kinds of "justice" that we so often imagine will change everything.

These kinds of "justice" are really just about making us feel more powerful after extreme powerlessness - put the motherfucker in his place justice. They are also a hope for recognition from those who stripped us of our humanity in the first place. We want a kind of closure that rights the wrongs done to us. But the person who wrongs us, so often, has no desire or motivation to, in any way, care for us.

In any case, I am creating the invocations for Session 2 of Apocalyptic Passion™:

The Last Frontier of Positive Emotions.

Holy hell! This is incredible, strong, powerful medicine. It is lack destroying. And I don't mean the experience of lack, but the identity of lack that keeps us tilling the same fallow, barren ground hoping to eke out something, anything to eat.

These positive emotions can't be used to overwrite pain. They must be embraced in the heart of it. They can't be used to override distress, they must be embraced in the heat and ache of it. This is not enforced positivity. It is magic. It is the act of choosing an energy that seems impossible to embrace, not in spite of what is happening to you or in you, but BECAUSE of it.

CORE TRAUMA LIE:

I must honor and focus on my "negative" emotions and experiences in order to be authentic and realistic and to avoid bypassing.

PRAY ALONG WITH ME

Goddess Divine: Help me shout Hallelujah in the darkest of hours. Help me repeat "Thank You" as a mantra when I feel most ungrateful. Unleash in me the magic and the power of "positive" emotions, not to the exclusion of my very unacceptable circumstances, not as a bypass, but as a gateway to a new world.

JUPITER RETROGRADE AND THE STRIPPING OF EVERYTHING - SURPRISE MOVE

Jupiter usually stands for grace, expansion, abundance, victory. Retrograde, it appears to stand for stagnation, implosion, compression, losses.

But!

When these things, these attributes of Divinity, are retrograde, the opportunity is there for us to integrate them, to find them within ourselves and deploy them. The Divine support, like the manna of heaven, ceases asking us to seek new reservoirs of these same attributes within us, in essence, to find the Divine power represented in the attributes assigned to Jupiter, within ourselves.

For me, the ways in which I have built my life from a hidden identity with lack has been revealed with absolutely no mercy. And it cannot go on.

For months, I have been working with perceived value. I was clear that I value myself. But in a famine environment, even gold loses any real value. If it can't procure necessities, then what good is it? It will only have value to those who can buy it cheap and store it for times of plenty when the fields are overflowing with crop yields.

In short, an identity of lack, even if you know your own value, will have you selling yourself short for survival.

It will keep you tilling dead, barren land, expending more energy than you harvest.

No matter how dire the circumstances, the trick is to break the identification with lack (even if the famine is real). Only then can you see different choices that go beyond the very real famine of the moment.

This is the true opportunity of Jupiter retrograde. In the sign of Sagittarius, it presents key opportunities to direct the reservoirs you discover within yourself towards a more plentiful future.

Jupiter goes direct in August. If we can just hold on through these lessons until then, we will be able to carry them forward along with our own enhanced power, and into a brand new way of living.

Ceres, the harvest principle, goes direct on the 18th of July (if I am reading the damn chart correctly).

We are going to be okay! But we must maximize these retrograde lessons. With Saturn continuing retrograde through September, there will be ample opportunity to integrate these lessons into the structures and supports of our lives.

I don't know about you, but I ain't quittin' til the skies turn.

Well, and Mercury retrograde should provide lots of openings to do this work in an atmosphere of confusion and misunderstanding between EVERYONE.

Enjoy!

CORE TRAUMA LIE: In circumstances of lack, I must tailor my decisions to my situation. Lack dictates my choices.

PRAY WITH ME:

I bind up my focus and my decision making. I remove them from my circumstances and redeploy them in alignment with where I want to be, not where I am now.

Holy Hell, What's It Going to Take?

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DISSONANCE REQUIRES ATTENTION?

We could call it cruel or bad or ugly behavior, but that is really just a lot of projection.

So, let's call it dissonant behavior, behavior that doesn't resonate with what we want to experience.

CORE TRAUMA LIE: Dissonant behavior requires all of our attention. We must address such thing immediately.

Ha!

Why not reward resonant behavior? If dissonant behavior gets all your attention, people will learn that they can get your attention with things that don't work for you.

Now, I am not saying we shouldn't take time to understand the people in our lives. We should. What feels dissonant, with deeper understanding of ourselves and others, can be resonant.

BUT

Remember those water experiments?

What if someone never speaks life over you. They are always full or criticisms, ignoring you, letting you know you are not important?

If you are 70% water, what does that do to you?

What if instead of addressing it, you moved as often and as quickly as possible to the experiences that bring your cells alive with the beauty of the water in them?

PRAY WITH ME

I bind up the flow of my attention towards the dissonant and the draining. I purposefully redirect it and let it flow towards the resonant and the nourishing.

PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES

This concept is contained in one of the 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is one of the wisest precepts I have ever come across.

It is, in my view, a powerful foundation for sober relating (which is very different from traumatic relating).

In traumatic relating, we are desperate for comfort. We are desperate for respite. We are desperate, desperate, desperate.

In this atmosphere, we trade in our true value for crumbs.

But in the atmosphere of principles before personalities, we have benchmarks for our giving, our receiving, and our commitment.

We have standards and we apply those standards, not without mercy, but with clarity about the importance of those standards.

These are not values!

These are more firm than values. They are more like universal laws of nature.

And when we violate them, there are always consequences.

CORE TRAUMA LIE: Personalities and momentary needs take precedence over sound principles because I must survive this moment of lack, this moment of abuse, this moment of isolation.

PRAY WITH ME:

Goddess of Wisdom, teach me the principles of sound living. Give me the strength and the power to live by them.

And Goddess, I give myself and my faulty principles and my settling ways and my desperation to you. I know that you can and you will restore me to sanity, soundness, and solvency. And once I can manage these things in line with these principles, I know that your blessing of plenitude will come to me 1000 fold greater than my imagination can hold at this moment.

KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES

There is a point in healing trauma when we start trying to identify familiar patterns of abuse so we can address them. In this phase many of us are waking up the fight response. We are warriors and we are not going to take it anymore.

In my experience, we almost always overcorrect, and in the name of self defense, harden our hearts and become victimizers. We begin to think that anything we have to do to defend ourselves is okay. And we would be right in circumstances of mortal danger. But we don’t stick to that!

For us, perceived emotional abuse is perfect justification because emotional abuse and manipulation was so often tied to incredible horrors for us.

CORE TRAUMA LIE: It is okay to be cruel in self defense even when cruelty isn’t necessary to defend my life or secure my space. My pain justifies my cruelty.

PRAY WITH ME

Loving Spirit of Compassion: Dwell in me. Teach me the skills of conflict resolution, consensus building, compassionate confrontation, and above all, to release my over protective sense of being right so I can open the potential of truly understanding others and creating synergy. Help me see that I am safe and able to guard my well being and my storehouse without violence in almost all cases. Give me discernment.

Last Call!

Register for Apocalyptic Passion™ 2.0!

FACEBOOK GROUP AND MATERIALS ARE FREE TO ACTIVE PARTICIPANTS. I WILL OFFER GROUP SESSIONS WEEKLY (5-PERSON MINIMUM) FOR $25 A PERSON.

About Rebecka Eggers

Rebecka Eggers, The Dream Midwife™ is a Meditation Improv Artist; the creator of the FLARE brand storytelling method; the author of Coming Alive!: Spirituality, Activism, & Living Passionately in the Age of Global Domination; and the creator of Dream Alchemy, The Revelation Story, a Breathtakingly Beautiful Dream Realization Adventure for Advanced Seekers Who Stand Ready to Seize the Power to Shine on Purpose. She lives in the mountainous highlands of Mexico, where she uses the tools of modern communication to make all kinds of trouble for every last stagnant, soul killing enemy of your potential. Rebecka helps you bring your dreams to life. She is trained as a Metaphysical Minister, a Co-Active Life Coach, a Reiki Master, and a tax lawyer (probably weren't expecting that last part, eh?). Finally, Rebecka holds a certificate in Digital Marketing through Emeritus and Columbia University, awarded with distinction in 2017. You can support Rebecka's writing at Patreon!

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